


what hath night to do with sleep?

by deathrae



Series: i've been through hell but i'm still standing [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, exploration of trauma, implied wayfinder OT3, unapologetic fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4987117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathrae/pseuds/deathrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because sometimes teenagers go into hell and come back tired and cripplingly afraid of missing all the good of being alive.</p>
<p>And the hardest thing is realizing that trying not to lose everything will just make you lose it all the faster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what hath night to do with sleep?

Ven liked to imagine that Master Eraqus would have smiled to see the Land of Departure as it was now. Full of life, full of vibrant Light in the form of six, sometimes seven rowdy keyblade-wielding teenagers, each bearing their own darknesses and all of them fighting but all of them _winning_ , bit by bit… each of them full of hope and life and love for each other that trumped pain and trauma and regret, every time. The castle had been restored perfectly to what it had been before, giving the ancient, whitewashed stone the sensation of nothing being different, even though _everything_ was. Even though the halls were a little emptier, without Master Eraqus, they were so _full_ of Sora and Kairi and Riku.

The three younger apprentices, especially Sora, laughed easily and loved like they didn’t know how _not_ to, and even though the castle felt the same as ever, everything was nothing like before. There was a warmth in the halls now, a life and a joy that had never really been there before, not before Ven arrived and not even after, when he had come more to himself, recaptured some of what he’d lost with Vanitas. Riku was guarded but calming to be around, exuding an aura of peace that reminded Ven of Aqua... Kairi was all raw, untested enthusiasm and an inner strength and confidence that rivaled only Terra in its imposing, unbreakable spirit, and Sora... Sora in so many ways was everything Ven should have been. Could have been, had things gone differently.

He loved being around them. He loved perimeter checks with Riku and he loved every sparring session with Sora even though they all ended in stalemate, they _always_ did, because the challenge of trying to beat someone who fought as part of your soul for three years was frustrating and, so far, almost impossible to overcome. He loved magic classes with Aqua because that meant sitting and trying to remember how he rigged that one magnet spell, all while Kairi sat next to him, tongue sticking out as she focused. He loved sitting with Terra in the courtyard, looking out over the rolling hills like they always used to after training, so many years ago.

But eventually, the day would wind to a close.

The sun would set.

And one by one, they would all retire to their rooms.

And Ven would sit alone, for a few minutes, in the dying firelight in the study, and gather his nerve.

He would trudge the darkened halls down to his room, and as he passed their rooms he’d call a final soft “g’night!” to Terra, who’d be in the shower again, and to Aqua, who was casting that perimeter-alarm silencing spell, _again_.

Moving on autopilot, he’d change into a more comfortable t-shirt and shorts, slide into bed, and stare at the ceiling.

And then he would do his level best to keep staring at the ceiling. All night long.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t sleep, or even that he wasn’t tired. He could, and he was. But he counted marks on the ceiling, he hummed the clocktower’s tune backward and forward and in different pitches, he sang the song Stitch used to play on his ukulele in the d-link. Anything to keep from dropping into the dark abyss of sleep.

He usually wasn’t very successful, and woke up in fits throughout the night in a panic, trying to guess how long he’d been out. Sometime around 3 in the morning, usually, he’d finally give up and lever himself out of bed, padding out into the halls and prowling the old paths and corridors of the castle. Sometimes he even passed Sora, looking just as haggard and unlike himself as Ven did. They never acknowledged each other, and eventually Sora would go back to bed, leaving Ven to walk the silent halls alone.

“Ven?” Kairi asked him in the morning. He grunted, hoping it sounded like vague interest.

“Do you want a pillow?”

“Mm-nn.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhm.”

Her voice cracked in a soft giggle that was unfailingly friendly. “Well, I'm not sure an omelet is a very good substitute for one, silly.”

He jerked up off his plate, belatedly realizing that the side of his face was covered in egg and bits of spinach and ham, and he hastily wiped his cheek with his hand before she offered him a napkin and sat down across the table from him.

“It’s a miracle anyone gets anything done here,” she said, her voice warm and nonjudgmental, and she slid a cup of coffee over to him. “Nobody’s sleeping well lately, have you noticed?”

He frowned, thinking through it a little slower than usual. Kairi was right, of course. “Aqua’s a little better now,” he said, still absentmindedly wiping his face. “Now that Terra got her to stop being so scared.”

“Did he?” she asked, brightening considerably. “That’s great! Now we just gotta get the rest, I guess.”

He made a sort of noncommittal noise, not sure if agreeing and mentioning Sora’s late-night prowling would be taken as ratting him out, and buried himself in the coffee to avoid addressing that idea. “Is Riku not...?”

“Neither of them are,” she said with a sigh. “They both look like raccoons every morning.” He rubbed at his face, suddenly afraid he had similar dark circles. “Don’t worry,” she said. “You don’t look too bad yet.”

He grimaced at the idea of _yet_ , but chanced a faint smile. “Thanks, Kairi.”

“Be careful, okay? Not sleeping will catch up with you after a while.”

He grunted faintly and looked away.

“I do get it,” she said, patting his hand lightly. “But it’s different now. Trust me.” He supposed he looked uncertain, because she grinned and squeezed his fingers before getting up. “If you want, I’ll tell Sora to get you up in the mornings. _Nobody_ sleeps through the Sora alarm.”

He thought about it, then grinned. “Maybe, yeah. Thanks.”

She smiled and walked away, leaving him to mull over his thoughts.

But that night he was so tired he got up earlier than ever, shuffling through the halls while the castle fell to the silence of sleep. It was all too familiar. It reminded him of the Enchanted Dominion, and that put him on edge all over again.

He passed Sora in the great hall, only this time he paused, meeting Sora’s tired eyes for a moment and offering a small smile. Sora hesitated, evidently surprised. He returned the tiny smile, barely, before continuing on, and Ven plodded onward.

Moonlight angled in through the high windows and he meandered along, winding between the beams to try to occupy his tired mind with something. Anything to keep him from falling asleep standing up. He thought of what Kairi said, possibly the only one other than Sora to understand the feeling of falling asleep and waking up with a huge chunk of time missing. He didn’t think Kairi was leading him on or trying to pacify him, but her advice was tough to swallow all the same. It wasn’t as simple as just not being worried.

Part of his mind registered that he’d gotten back to his friends’ hallway, but he _didn’t_ register the soft creak of a door or the shuffling of feet. In fact, he was too out of it to even notice Terra standing in front of him until he plowed directly into him, slamming into his chest and reeling back before Terra caught his shoulder and steadied him.

“Ven?”

“Oh,” he muttered, his hands braced on Terra’s arm and chest for balance. “Uh, hey! You’re up?”

“Ven,” Terra murmured, almost warning.

“Aqua’s not under wards again, is she?”

Terra sighed. “ _Ven_.”

“What?”

Terra shook his head. “No, she’s not. She’s with me. Kairi said you aren’t sleeping.”

Thinking about it then, he realized he really should’ve expected she would tell the others, but somehow, it surprised him.

“Oh. Uh…I guess not, no.”

Terra crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorjamb of his room. There was a half-second’s wince when he did, as if he was sore. “Well, why not? What’s on your mind?”

A few different answers, some snarky, some lies, came to mind, but he set them aside, thinking before he answered. “I don’t want to fall asleep and wake up in ten years again.”

Terra seemed surprised that he’d actually answered, but not by the answer in itself. That only made him nod gravely. “I figured it’d be something like that.”

Ven shrugged helplessly, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“Here, c’mere.”

Terra waved him inside and headed into his room.

“What?” Ven asked, frowning, though he stepped inside and closed the door all the same.

“I’ve got an idea.” Terra climbed back under his sheet, nudging Aqua over slightly. She mumbled and rolled over, and Terra slid into bed next to her, leaning on one elbow and holding the blanket off him as if to give Ven room. “C’mere.”

“What,” Ven said, his voice gone flat.

“Lay on top of me.”

“ _Why_ ,” Ven asked, suspicious.

“Because then for me or Aqua to get up, you’ve gotta wake up. We can’t get out of bed without jostling you.”

Ven’s breath hitched in his chest as a hundred questions ran through his mind. He opened his mouth, the not-quite-his words of _but then you’ll never sleep either, idiot_ on his tongue, but all that came out instead was something raw and hoarse that scraped his throat like sandpaper.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Terra said, smiling. “Come on.”

Ven shuffled over and climbed under the blanket, shifting to try to find a comfortable spot on top of Terra that didn’t involve jabbing Terra ( _or_ Aqua, who he thought might kill him if he woke her up) with his elbows or his knobby knees. Terra scooted him up a little so Ven’s head rested against his chest, then settled, draping the blanket over Ven to keep him warm, and if Ven’s breath came out too hard and a little too fast, a little raw at the edges from too much emotion, Terra didn’t say anything.

And this time, with Kairi’s voice echoing, soft and reassuring, in his head, and with the slow, even drumbeat of Terra’s heart thudding under his ear, Ven let himself fall asleep, knowing that this time, his heart was exactly where it was supposed to be: nearby and ready to wake up _with_ him.


End file.
